Stream of Consciousness 1

As the weather gets warmer I find myself more creatively inspired. My mind is brimming with ideas, some that take a lot of work to execute. I feel a bit better than I had been. I can only imagine that the warmer and less windy it gets I will also get warmer and less windy. I have visions of myself sitting in my hammock in the sun, visiting the cottage with friends, and swimming in the crystal-clear waters of Lake Ontario. That last one isn’t even a joke, I just know a spot. 

It’s important to remind myself that I need to do creative things for myself and not to impress other people or to be compared to others and come out on top. The only eyes I have on me are my own. I was reflecting the other day on the people who are currently in my life. As much as I’ve tried over the years to betray myself, ultimately, the people close to me now are the kindest, funniest, smartest, most sensitive, most interesting people I’ve ever known. Through all my shit and my ruminating, they are still here and I want to live and be a light for them. 

I have plans to update my blog and website soon, though I think I burnt out a little. I like my little website with my work because it’s made my interests a little clearer. I’m enjoying having a website and a place to write. Since I started using my journal more like writing. I’m trying to not spend so much time on my phone or in my bed, an uphill battle - I ask myself ” do I want to waste my life on this?” Obviously not, but I’m only human.

In terms of starting other projects, I have a photography project in the works, but I’m going to wait until it’s warmer to start. Not sure what camera I’m going to use either. I think I’ll speak to a friend about it even though I don’t want to spend money. I don’t think my old underwater camera will do the job if I want to publish these photos eventually. I want to post my progress but for probably unfounded reasons I’m worried about my idea getting stolen because as far as I can tell its never been done.

I’d also like to do driving school soon. Vroom vroom.